An UnEdited Life

What happens when the room you thought would fill with light… stays dark? And what if that disappointment was actually the beginning of something real? Welcome back to Laugh on and Levitate with Rachel El Shamy 

This week I'm sitting down with someone I've known for over twenty years — and honestly, she was on my list from day one. Angie Day Peters is a mother of six, an author, a storyteller, and one of those rare people who carries joy like it's just who she is— not something she performs.

But this conversation goes deep. We talk about growing up in a home split between religion and brokenness, what it felt like to be handed a note in the middle of a church service that said "you are out of control, thus sayeth the Lord" — and why that moment became a turning point. We talk about purity culture, about grief, about the decade of bliss and the season that nearly broke her. About writing books in a week during lockdown, and sending a manuscript off to a publisher with shaking hands just days ago.

And we talk about laughter. Not the polished kind — the kind that makes you think you might wet your pants in front of your kids. The kind that comes back after a long winter.

Angie has a way of saying the thing you didn't know you needed to hear. This one's going to stick with you.

Link to Angie's Devotionals and Books - Explore Angie's writing

Link to Manhattan, Kansas - The Little Apple

Link to Unedited Life - At Unedited Life, the "melody" rises through the work of our hands and the food we share. The Mercantile is a host for the "Children of Glory," providing physical nourishment alongside spiritual rest.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

What happens when the room you thought would fill with light stays dark? And if that disappointment was actually the beginning of something real? Welcome back to Laugh On and Levitate with Rachel El Shami. This week I'm sitting down with someone I've known for over 20 years, and honestly, she was on my list from day one. Angie Day Peters is the mother of six, an author, a storyteller, and one of those rare people who carries joy like it's just who she is. Not something that she performs. This conversation goes deep. We talk about growing up in a home split between religion and brokenness. What it felt like to be handed a note in the middle of a church service that said, You're out of control, thus saith the Lord, and why that moment became a turning point. We talk about purity culture, about grief, about the decade of bliss and the season that nearly broke her. About writing books in a week during lockdown and sending a manuscript off to a publisher with shaky hands just days before recording our episode. We talk about laughter, not the polished kind, the kind that makes you think you might wet your pants in front of your kids, the kind that comes back after a long winter. Angie has a way of saying the thing you didn't know you needed to hear. This one's gonna stick with you. So let's go. Wow. So just to let you know where you rank, you're pretty special. Thank you. So thank you.

SPEAKER_01 2:18

Yeah, it's an honor to be here.

SPEAKER_00 2:20

We've um just a little history for the listeners. We have known each other, I think, over 20 years.

SPEAKER_01 2:25

It's true. I was thinking about that this morning. Yeah, long time.

SPEAKER_00 2:29

Yeah, I think it was 2002.

SPEAKER_01 2:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

Well, one of my first questions is for everyone who doesn't know you, tell us a story of who you are, where you came from.

SPEAKER_01 2:41

So I was born and raised in Manhattan, Kansas, not to be confused with New York, the Little Apple, where Kansas State University is. We've been when you're born in Manhattan, you're kind of born into K-State sports, I feel. And so it definitely was a huge part of um of my upbringing was K-State football, basketball, you know, whatever it was. And we were a huge sports family anyway. So I don't know any part of my childhood where there wasn't some kind of a sporting event involved. Um, I started off with t-ball, obviously, when I was in like kindergarten. And from there, it was just chock full of some kind of sport participation. And it molded me. And that's the only reason that I speak of it, is that it really did mold who I am and taught me how to interact with people and how to value team and different perspectives and honoring the heart of a different individual when they because we all think so differently, and so that was a huge part of my upbringing. Now, behind the curtain of that, my family life was interesting. Um I my my mom was raised in a huge Catholic home, and my dad came from brokenness. And so you've got this massive collision of religion and brokenness that didn't always meld well. And my dad struggled with addiction, and that became uh volatile in in our family life. And so I am one of three. I'm the only girl smooshed in between two boys, two very honri boys, who would chase me around with um water guns filled with steamy hot water.

SPEAKER_00 4:28

Oh my gosh, I don't think I knew that.

SPEAKER_01 4:30

Yeah, no, they were as as honri as can be.

SPEAKER_00 4:33

And um you built resiliency early on.

SPEAKER_01 4:36

Oh my gosh. You had no choice. I mean, like there was no choice. I uh and I was the I have always been very black and white as as far as right, wrong. And through my my relationship with Jesus, that has gone from so distinct, like, no, this is right, no, this is wrong. And I would not cross the line because I was so afraid of doing something wrong. And um my relationship with Jesus has transformed that into spectacular color, to where it's it's just not so hard line. It's still there, but it's just not such a hard line to where I am dismissing individuals because of that. But that's been ingrained from the time I was a little girl to kind of tow the line. And I didn't have an introduction to proper Christianity, if you will, until I was 14 years old. I had always delighted in God, always. I mean, from the time I just don't remember at the time without there being this presence in my life of a father who loved me and then introduced at 14 to be able to go to the Christian school in town. Um, you had to be saved. And yes, and so I was told that you know, I needed to utter some prayer to ask Jesus into my heart. And I also have a vivid imagination, thanks to my dad, who is his creativity is off the charts. I just had this brilliant imagination, and so I'm listening to how this is all supposed to go down, and I've got a plan, and I'm gonna go and at night when everybody's gone to bed, I'm gonna go into my room, I'm gonna shut the door, and I am going to have this moment. It's got a top everything that I'd experienced up to this point.

SPEAKER_00 6:34

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 6:35

So in my mind, this was my room is going to fill with light. It was going to be spectacular, and it never happened. Right. And so I felt a little eliminated with this new um this new um religion, we'll call it Christianity, where all of my my black and whiteness came to gray, not color, mind you, gray, where it was like I didn't know where the lines were anymore. And ultimately I was brought into an indoctrination of the rules and how to live in the appropriate manner based on somebody's decision, you know, whatever, whatever it group you were a part of, because really it was a movie target. And um, so I just really learned how to become a hypocrite before I really understood what it meant to follow to follow Christ. So um that's a little bit of of my origin story. Um got married very young, 19 years old. We were both 19, high school sweethearts. We met when we were 14, and then like I said, had a baby at 21. So um family life is has been monumental for us. So anyway.

SPEAKER_00 7:52

Absolutely. And you guys met at youth group or something, right? Or at church.

SPEAKER_01 7:57

We actually started at the Christian school. Both of us started two weeks late into the school year because I transferred from the public school to the little tiny Christian school, and we both showed up on the same day two weeks late. They had come in from Colorado Springs, their dad had been moved, he's in the military, and so yeah, we we think that's quite miraculous.

SPEAKER_00 8:19

That is, that's amazing, actually.

SPEAKER_01 8:22

That's so yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:24

Fantastic. Yes, well, the the journey spiritually is how you've grown more, I guess, like this illusion that we've been fed, how it's starting to fall off like that veil.

SPEAKER_01 8:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:39

And I've definitely seen you transform. But one thing that when I was thinking of you for the interview, that popped up so often is how you have these ecstatic states of joy, and you can just carry that. And like you had six children, and just to maintain the joy and the presence and to get to that child, like just I don't know, that joy. And I guess this next question for me is because I've been thinking about this and really contemplating this the last two years as I've written this podcast, and I've remembered some really cool mystical experiences as a child, and like it was always surrounded by joy and laughter. And if you ever thought of it, if you have a memory of your earliest like mystical experience or a state of like ecstatic, you know, like in that journey. Was it before 14 possibly? Like, have you ever thought of it? Do you remember?

SPEAKER_01 9:34

Oh, yeah, there were there were different instances. The the encounter that is most vivid in in my memory is sitting on a park bench with God. And um, it was I uh my favorite grandmother had just passed, and and I was just so terribly sad about it, but it didn't seem like sadness was allowed. So I would be quiet by myself and and and then just grieve that without knowing clearly, you know, what that what that really was.

SPEAKER_00 10:03

But how old were you? Do you remember?

SPEAKER_01 10:05

I was about 10, between nine and 10. And um, and I remember sitting on this park bench in this encounter and and just feeling so sad. And and God coming up and sitting down right next to me and just pulling me into himself. And there was no there was no feeling of needing to alter anything in that moment that I could just be right there with him in any fashion that that was just really leaking out of me. And um I just remember feeling so wanted and and so sure of of being me, which was not always the case because I was crippled by timidity as as a child. So to feel safe in the presence of God was really quite quite a feat for me because I didn't feel safe in anybody's presence. You know, I was just I was the kid that was hiding behind my mom's legs, or just you know, finding a quiet space to be alone. And if you looked at me, I was terrified. I could not order a pizza over the phone. I mean, this went into my my early adult years, even where um I had a job as a teenager and I couldn't ask for my paycheck because I was just so terrified of concentrated attention. And so to to have that with the father, where it really was concentrated attention, and it didn't affect me in the same way that human interaction did.

SPEAKER_00 11:40

Right, yeah. But you definitely felt the presence, like you said, you felt just nuzzled in there.

SPEAKER_01 11:46

Oh, yeah, and a little crick of his I tend to memorize feeling detail.

SPEAKER_00 11:54

Yes, that's good. You were fully present in your body, like you're feeling it. And were you feeling sad too because you had just lost your grandma, or did you feel comfort? Yep. Oh yeah, all of it. Yeah, that's awesome. One of the things with the podcast is levity, levitate. Like, how do we bring that? And I know that you're very, like you said, creative. And you have a book, was it four years ago? Five now? Your first book that you wrote.

SPEAKER_01 12:26

So the first devotional that I wrote was in um 2021.

SPEAKER_00 12:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 12:31

2021.

SPEAKER_00 12:32

But I that's what I was gonna ask you. If you could tell us a little more about your most creative project, because don't you have something coming up soon?

SPEAKER_01 12:40

I do. I do. I don't I have no no idea what the the details of any kind of a release are yet. Um I did so lockdown, you know, we're we're all in lockdown during COVID. And um, and for me, listen, I am an introvert. So for me, this is like a dream come true. No, nobody's fine for my attention. I do not have to have any kind of output whatsoever. And so there I am, just shut away in my home. And I do not like devotionals, let that be known. But it just kind of like bubbled up and out of me. And I think that I finished it in, started and finished in in a week. You know, it was just something that, you know, things just get stored away and and are waiting for the appropriate time to to be able to pour out of us. And and that's exactly what happened with revealed is the name of the first devotional. And and then following that, just I think a few months later, was the second devotional that I did, and it's called Rise and Shine. And it was just a delight to be able to pour the contents out, knowing that it would offer people a different perspective on who God is. That, you know, He He is the God who likes you, who isn't weighing you. He's not waiting for you to mess up. And so that's what those devotionals were for me was a gift to be able to offer to others, to be able to see themselves a little bit differently than maybe they had in in their normal Christian experience. This last spring, I finished a book called Rooted Revolution. And um, that came off of a very, very painful season for me. Just really tender place. That's just where I mean, I was just in this, I was wounded, uh, just absolutely wounded, and and even like wondering, would I ever recover from what had transpired? And so it was really kind of written as an anthem. This is not the last word on my life, and and there is a higher way, there is a more loved way that that we can do church. And I finished that last spring and then didn't release it until mid-August. And then immediately I released it on my birthday, August 13th, and then on August 15th, I started writing a new project. And I started writing on the basis of wanting to better understand justice and looking at the life that Jesus lived compared to our justice system within the world dynamics and realizing we are really off kilter here. And you know, Jesus comes with his, you've heard it said, an eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth, but I say to you. And he continues to lay out this way of justice that is in a different. I mean, I don't even think you can say it's on the other end of the spectrum. It's a different spectrum altogether, where he's saying, turn the other cheek. They ask for you, click, get in your coat instead. You know, he's offering a completely different way of living and interacting with one another to where reconciliation is what is offered and restoration is what is offered. Whereas our justice system, it wants there to be retribution. Somebody must pay. And Jesus is going, I already did. And so that's where this new project was born is just wanting to understand um the difference between the two terms, you know, they're the same word, but they're completely different. And um, and then it just turned into story, Rachel. I didn't think that I would ever tell the full story of our experience as a family the way that I did in this book. And so it's part memoir, part nonfiction, part theology. It's just kind of a mix. And I have self-published all the other projects that I've done, but decided that I was going to reach beyond myself this time and um send it in to a publisher. And so a week ago tomorrow is when I sent it off. And my goodness, it took all it took all of my guts to hit send. Because it's something about a creative project where it's like you just don't want to hold your baby out there to be stamped on and ridiculed, and you know, it's a good process. I I am excited for for the feedback on the book, but still there was some fear and releasing it to somebody else, knowing that they're going to be looking at it with a critical eye.

SPEAKER_00 18:02

Oh, of course. I understand completely, especially just in writing this podcast and getting it launched and putting it out there once I hit that publish once we launch it. It's it's out there for everyone.

SPEAKER_01 18:15

And yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:17

It's um I yeah, I feel it's like this fear, but it's also I've heard I think Susan David, or maybe it was Brene Brown. But they call fear courage walking.

SPEAKER_01 18:30

Oh, sure. That's great. Courage walking.

SPEAKER_00 18:36

So that's how I feel. I'm like, I'm just I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna go through this.

SPEAKER_01 18:40

Yeah, I'm always like, just do it afraid, just do it afraid.

SPEAKER_00 18:43

Exactly. Yeah. And I think of Moses too, where he's like, Who am I? I don't even, I can't speak, I'm not eloquent. But he's like, no, I want you.

SPEAKER_01 18:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:51

Um because like you said, his his system is on a completely different plane, a different spectrum than than we can even understand. But one thing going back to your first your devotionals about just that revelation for people to see themselves like truly who they are. I as being a missionary and traveling all over the world, the more I got to know people like Muslims and Hindus and Buddhists and just indigenous people, spiritual you'd probably call them pagan, I just found how we were so much more connected than I was taught to believe and just how spiritual everybody really was, and how everyone was really truly connected to God. And I was like the worst missionary because I wasn't getting those, you know, people praying to receive God and leading to prayers of salvation. I was more just like hanging out with people and getting to know them as my friend. And I'm so glad because looking back, I realized it's not our job to save people because, like you said, that's been done. It's our job to show them who they are. Right.

SPEAKER_02 20:05

Right.

SPEAKER_00 20:06

And I love that this book is part memoir, part your newest one is is showing that like just your journey, who you are, what you've the pains you've been through.

SPEAKER_02 20:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:15

And how the Bible goes over and over again. Laughter's the best medicine, and laughter does this. And so what are your thoughts on that? Have you ever contemplated that?

SPEAKER_01 20:24

Like Yeah, I actually wrote about it in in this new project where um I know there was and you were definitely you were you were part of the season. My my my decade of bliss is what I've labeled it. Oh you know, we we were just we were introduced to bliss, you know, to the the reality of the gospel that that we were chosen, that it is not an invitation, it's an announcement. And I I was so hook, line, and sinker, and I was foolish thing, if you will. And there there were um there were different things that transpired during that season. I I actually was handed a a note in the middle of a service that said, You are out of control, thus saith the Lord. And uh I know, I know it was it was a wild, it was a wild thing. It did cause pause in me, wondering, you know, am I out of control? Like, am I becoming a is my freedom becoming a stumbling block? And you know, the thing is a religious mindset, the delusion of separation in our minds will force us to try and police how a child of freedom is acting. And and so I put no blame on the people that may have brought these things into my life because they just, they were just lost in the same system that I was previously, right? Like we all are, and I remember going to Randy, our pastor at the time, and saying, This just happened. Can you help me? And this has become such a bedrock story for me. It's also in the book. You have to forgive me because I've just finished it. And so it's all like super-I love it.

SPEAKER_00 22:18

I love it.

SPEAKER_01 22:18

Okay, good. Super fresh. And this is what he said to me. He said, Angie, when a father is throwing his child into the air, who's in control? And it it just sealed the deal for me to realize I'm in the hands of a loving God and I am exactly where he wants me to be. And if my laughter is offensive, I can't be responsible for that. And then, you know, another situation was somebody was really calling into question my smile, that I was hiding behind my smile, and that it was all just kind of a facade. And I was like, oh my goodness. But what I've come to realize, Rachel, is that laughter being the best medicine isn't true for a religious spirit. For somebody who's trying to earn God's affection, earn God's attention, to bridge the gap between them and God, which is not true. The distance is a lie. Laughter is not medicine for them. It causes a great deal of pain. And so fast forward to, you know, our family underwent a really rough time. And um I had been in a state of grief for months. And the same people that had a problem with my smile had a problem with my grief and wanted me to simply get over it. And so I think it is, isn't it? That's interesting. Isn't it so interesting? And we have in, I think it's in Corinthians where Paul's instructing us grieve with those who grieve and celebrate with those who celebrate. And we think that there's a juxtaposition between the two, between grief and celebration or joy, and there's not, you know, they are they're on the same team, you know. Grief intelligence produces joy. And so, but the religious spirit has such a profound problem with both of these things. And because we have when we're in this religious mindset, we deny our own personhood. And God isn't. So we are in defiance to God by trying to attain who we already are. And it takes us back to Genesis 3 and the eating of the fruit in the first place, where you know what's being offered? Knowledge of who she is in God, right? And so what's being offered is what she already had. And so the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil puts us in this striving for attainment to be like God. But the truth is, we cannot be like God. We already are. So there's no becoming involved in this. And that alone should produce such a vast freedom that the output is only joy and laughter. And it's only in recent months that I have felt that same laughter from that decade of bliss begin to return to my life where I am laughing for nonsensical reasons and just feeling such a lightness within myself and understanding all over again that I've always been safe in the hands of God and He's not expecting anything from me. I don't have to produce anything to get his attention. I have all of his attention. And not only that, but like he is sustaining me. I don't have to like, I don't have to do anything to try and garner any favor. I've got it. Everything that I need is right where he is. I just have to agree with him that what he says is true of me is.

SPEAKER_00 26:17

I know that's I feel like my biggest obstacle is myself. Yeah. I get in the way, and I forget that. And yeah, like you said, just agree with him on who I am already.

SPEAKER_01 26:28

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:30

And all the trauma, even just like the that divine essence.

SPEAKER_01 26:34

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 26:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:36

And so in this book, I really took it from a courtroom experience and understanding that it's one thing, and this early experience that I had with God, where I definitely was able to walk away from that courtroom system, but it's altogether different to have that courtroom removed from within you. So I was preaching the truth of the gospel, but there was still this system on the inside of me that that wanted to drive how I interacted with God and others. And trauma doesn't play fair. Trauma doesn't play fair. So I in the book I explain it in two different ways, and I use the story of the prodigal son. And John was definitely the one who strayed, and I was the one who stayed, but neither son was doing the thing that God asked for, which was just to enjoy who he is. And so I understand that what I was doing in that season was the same as the children of Israel asking Moses, just take us back to Egypt, because I understand bondage. You know, I understand the boundary lines within the system of religion. So please give me anything that has an assurance. I honestly didn't care. You know, during this really trying, dark time in our life, I didn't care. I just needed walls. I needed something to bounce off of and something that was sure. And it didn't really matter that, you know, it was abusive, it was religious, it was, it was icky, you know. And that's what led me to the realization, like, no, there's a courtroom on the inside of me that needs to be removed. And I didn't even have to, I didn't even have to ask, you know, he does all the work. I just have to allow myself to be open enough. And I am not kidding you. It was almost just almost instantaneous of realizing, oh my gosh, the father holds our ontology, he holds our very being and never ever lets it go. When he sees us coming from afar off and he takes off running, he comes with the truth of who we are and overlays it on anything that we have just produced. So any striving, trying, um, messing up, and any of it. He comes with the truth of our nature that is in him because he never ever wavers. We might, but he doesn't.

SPEAKER_00 29:18

He doesn't. He sustains us in all things and we have no idea, like this web that we're just held in. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:29

It's so safe.

SPEAKER_00 29:30

So safe. And there's so many other people there with us. We're not alone in that.

SPEAKER_01 29:35

Right.

SPEAKER_00 29:36

At all. So connected through everything. I think I've heard Richard Rohr call it the cult of purity.

SPEAKER_01 29:44

Oh, yeah. Well, uh we had our eyes open to the the reality of the purity culture. John and I had the opportunity to spend some time in Ireland. We have a friend who is from Oklahoma, but she's a missionary in Ireland. Tough job, I tell you what.

unknown 30:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:04

Such a such a shabby place to be. Oh, I know.

unknown 30:08

Right.

SPEAKER_01 30:09

It's so beautiful there. But we got to go and stay with a couple that are so dear. Oh my gosh, there's just no hospitality like Ireland. They just want to hold you in their hospitality. And we were just, you know, it was just small talk and enjoying each other. And they started talking about, they had, I think, three or four daughters. I can't remember now. I think three daughters. And talking in the same breath of their devotion to Christ and that they're single, yet living with boyfriends. And the lady that that is the missionary, she leans over to kind of translate for us and she goes, Purity culture doesn't exist here. I thought, wait, what? You know, because you just don't know until you're outside of it that that has been such a driving force. And I remember because John and I dated from the time we were 14 until we got married.

SPEAKER_02 31:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:02

And Acquire the Fire with Ron Luce was a big deal at that time. Remember those? Oh, I went to that for sure. Oh, yeah. And being a part of a Christian school, there's a cherry on top.

SPEAKER_00 31:12

Oh, of course. Yeah, you guys were definitely.

SPEAKER_01 31:15

Yeah. And so we would go to these Acquire the Fires and everything was about being on fire for God. And I'm like, well, of course I want to be on fire for God, you know? And then they would get you all worked up about loving God and following Him with all your heart. And then they would lower the bomb of like date Jesus for a year. And I would just be, Rachel, so confused. The inner turmoil was so great. I ended up in our principal's office in tears because I was just so like, I don't know what to do. I really, really like John. And I really want to be seen as someone who loves Jesus. And I couldn't find a way for them to come together. And he was so great. He didn't place any you need to do this kind of regulations on me. He just asked questions. And it was. And it really helped me understand. Okay, there's it took a while, but there's not a right or wrong here. And I can choose to delight in what I want to delight in. But it created this so many waves for me because it stuck. And I definitely wanted, I wanted Jesus, but I also wanted John. Of course. Of course. So to find out the purity culture is a sham. It was like, oh my gosh, where was this when I was a teenager? And these dictates were put on our little fragile hearts. Look what we do to each other. By putting these parameters on one another that actually are such a burden and do not push us into freedom and they do not reveal Christ within. And I just think that it's so dangerous. And I'm not saying that we don't pursue purity, but I do think we need to ask a lot more questions than what has just been served.

SPEAKER_00 33:11

Absolutely. And I love that you're starting to feel that joy coming back the last few like months, you think?

SPEAKER_01 33:19

Yeah, just in the last few months.

SPEAKER_00 33:21

The last few months. I love that that you're returning to that like sacred silliness.

SPEAKER_01 33:27

Oh my gosh. Rachel, just the other night, so we had all the kids were home for John's birthday on Saturday.

SPEAKER_00 33:32

Oh yes, and happy birthday to John.

SPEAKER_01 33:34

Yes, yes, yes. Um it's so we were like, okay, we want to play a game. And John and I had picked up a game from the store and the kids opened it, and they're like, Did you like research this before you got it? Because we're not playing this with our parents.

unknown 33:49

Oh no.

SPEAKER_01 33:50

Deb is like, oh my gosh, what have we done? And started reading through these cards. And it was just like, it was nonsense and not something that you play as a family. So we were like, okay, let's go back to our youth group days. What can we do as a group kind of thing? And so we end up playing signs. And I don't know if you're familiar with this game, but it's one of those you circle up and there's this invisible ball. And then everybody actually has a sign, everybody has a different sign. And to pass the ball, you have to know the person's sign. And then there's somebody in the middle who has to detect who has the ball. So we decide we're gonna play this game. And it was just hysterical watching the interactions going on. Well, I finally got caught with the ball. And I the silliness when I got up there, truly, I was laughing so hard. I thought I was gonna wet my pants. Just I felt so out of control. And my kids are going, like, oh no, she's gonna cry. And I think they were even a little bit embarrassed by my silliness. And it didn't even feel like it was something that I was controlling. It was just happening to me, where this profound joy just took over of being in this space with the very people that are the only trophies that I would ever claim. You know, our kids are our our prize possession. That's probably the wrong verbiage, but you know what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_00 35:12

Absolutely, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:13

You know, I just absolutely adore them. I champion them. Yeah, I just love who each of them are. And so there was just something about this moment that just like I felt so wrecked by it, and and still I can just feel the effects of it in my heart.

SPEAKER_00 35:30

Just like I can feel the effects of it from you sharing that story. Yeah, I love that for you, and just your children. I know that having them watch you like that brought them such just deep richness to see their mom like that. Like, yeah, that's special. Oh, this has been so insightful. So I could talk to you forever. But if you could just share before we get into the flashlighting, one story about yourself that just kind of sums you up. Just a story that comes to mind that kind of describes you to a teacher.

SPEAKER_01 36:05

This is like two different stories, but the same outcome. We had two of the six that were born with some issues. They were both born early. One was six weeks early, and the other one was just over four weeks early. And Zayn, our youngest, his left lung collapsed. And so with both of them, they ended up in the hospital longer. And with Zayn, there was a threat of sending them off too to peek at the next big town over. And I got to this point where I was like, at first, I was like, okay, this is just the process. This really sucks. I'd rather take them home and be with the rest of the kids, blah, blah, blah. And then it got to be like three or four days into the event, and I was just like, I'm over this. And I was able to stay at the hospital with them during this time, although I was released. And both times I ended up in a shower hospital, sitting on the floor of the shower and going, God, I've had enough. You have the ability to heal them. Let's just do it. And of course, with tears and snot all the things. Of course, hid you not within a day, both of them were released. And I and I do want it to be known too that this was not something I conjured up. It's just I walked into it. I walked into the purpose of God and felt it and acted on it. Just agreed with what it was that He was presenting. And so the reason I say that's mean in nutshell is because I can go with the flow until I know that no, this doesn't have to be this way anymore. And then I shift into what's the plan? And then wanting to just see that pulling that down, pulling that into the reality of what we experience. And so I don't know. That's that that's just the first story that popped into my mind.

SPEAKER_00 37:50

No, I I I love that because I completely see you like that, you manifest in the nick of time, or it's not even in the nick of time, it's just like this no, you're like like a bear spirit, like a mama bear, just like that's enough. This is over, I'm done. We've got better things to do.

SPEAKER_01 38:10

Right.

SPEAKER_00 38:11

Right. Yeah, absolutely. But yeah, pulling that down. And the story I thought of when I think of you is you sitting around with and it's with children and at uh Vertical Heart. It's like which one was it? Um you're just sitting up there with all of the children, like in a semicircle around you. And the way that you could use language and just with your animation and your storytelling, I mean, you captured the adults, everyone was just you know, just taken. We were with you, and especially the children, and how you could teach these young children from all different backgrounds how to bring, how to call forth heaven to earth, how to bring that in and to manifest that. So I love that story that you shared. Well, I could get it.

SPEAKER_01 39:05

I love that one that you shared, and it just reminds me of when you know we were all experiencing the manifestation of the gold dust. Yeah, and and so that that's probably another really valid point to who I am is I just don't know how to keep stuff for myself. So if I'm experiencing the greatness of God, I want everyone to experience that in the same way. And so I remember, you know, having the kids check your hands for gold dust, and they were seeing it, and then they were like, their faith rose up, and they're like, I'm gonna go wash my hands and see if it happens again. And it did over and over, where they got to experience that. And people may wonder, like, what's the big deal with gold dust? Well, to them, it was everything. It provoked such a childlikeness, permission to remain children for a little while longer. And they would continue on with, oh, let's check our hands, you know. And they you catch them like sitting around and wanting to see, you know, did they have gold dust on on your? I'm checking my hands now.

SPEAKER_00 40:05

I know, I'm like, do we have that? It was so special. It was just that awe and the wonder, how do we keep that alive in Christianity? Like, because that gets snuffed out, and that could be a whole other episode, but that is something that you definitely bring forth and show people, remind people. So thank you for sharing. But all right, we're gonna get into the uh flashlighting. And if you have like a little bit more to add, that's fine. But number one, what is your Enneogram? If you're familiar with Enneogram, which I think you are. Do you remember? Oh, you're a four. Uh-huh. Oh my gosh. Yep. Do you have a wing? Do you I I actually I can go both ways. Lean into? Okay.

SPEAKER_01 40:48

I I can. I can easily fall into a five, probably a little more. So I would say that I I move toward a three when the Holy Spirit is on me. When the Holy Spirit is on.

SPEAKER_00 41:00

I love that. Well, that is awesome. I am married to a four. Okay. So I um I love fours. So something that recently made you smile. Well, I mean, this.

SPEAKER_01 41:12

I feel like I've been smiling through this whole thing. And then again, Saturday night was pretty special. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:19

Yeah. Yeah. The birthday. What did you want to be when you were a kid? When you grew up.

SPEAKER_01 41:26

So the two things that I played the most was Receptionist and Priest.

SPEAKER_00 41:33

Oh my god! That's awesome. You played Priest. I did not know that.

SPEAKER_01 41:38

There were like these little candies that were like fruit flavored, but they were terrible. They just weren't good. But they reminded me so much of the host at the Catholic Church. And so I would get those and I would serve communion to my cousins.

unknown 41:53

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 41:54

There was there's always been this space of administration and priesthood mixed into me.

SPEAKER_00 42:02

Yeah, from an early age. So you would do communion, you do the sacraments like anything else? Pretty much it.

SPEAKER_01 42:08

That was well, we would baptize each other too, but that was came that came later.

SPEAKER_00 42:12

Oh, I love that. Of course.

SPEAKER_01 42:13

You know, in the Catholic Church you just sprinkled, so that wasn't nearly as fun as dunking.

SPEAKER_00 42:17

Oh, that's true. So what person in your life is guaranteed to make you laugh under three minutes?

SPEAKER_01 42:26

John.

SPEAKER_00 42:28

I knew what I was gonna say, about you'll say John. He's so funny.

SPEAKER_01 42:32

Yeah, even when I'm being ultra serious, he's like he can break through it. Sometimes it makes me mad.

SPEAKER_00 42:38

I'll never forget when you had I don't know if it was Autumn or if it was Lily. He said, um instead of a an epesiotomy, he said, what did he call it?

SPEAKER_01 42:50

Or no, he called it a vasectomy, yes.

SPEAKER_00 42:53

He's like, she had a vasectomy.

SPEAKER_01 42:56

That was with Dylan. Oh, is it with Dylan? Okay. His mom had called and she wanted to know what are the details. And he's like, Well, you know, she's doing okay. She's really, really tired. And he goes, They they had to do a vasectomy on her. And I am like, What? And get this, like so. Lily would be number two on the list because she is her father. She just the other day, she's telling me about, she's like, I'm so much like dad. We are two peas in a pot. I said, You're what? We're two peas in a pot. Two peas in a pot. Like, Lily, it's two peas in a pot. What? What? I couldn't believe it.

SPEAKER_00 43:38

I know. Oh my god, I love it. She's definitely like, that's exactly the two peas in a pot.

SPEAKER_01 43:46

I couldn't argue with it.

SPEAKER_00 43:48

Nope. That's bottom. Well, even like when he got hit that one time, he's like, Oh, my scrotum or something.

SPEAKER_01 43:55

Yeah, her niece was walking on across like his chest. He's like, she stepped wrong, you know, right on his sternum. And but he hollered out, Oh, that's my scurdum. Yeah. Yeah. And and with just the utmost assurity that he knows what he's talking about. I mean he could sell it.

SPEAKER_00 44:17

Oh yeah. For sure. Absolutely. I love John. I love that you get to go away. All right, last question. This might be a little longer, but what is the most memorable spiritual lesson you've learned? Oh wow. I guess the one that like sticks with you the most.

SPEAKER_01 44:34

I think the one that I return to the most is um I had an encounter one time where I was under a table eating scraps. And in this vision, I was just a little girl sitting under this table eating the scraps that fell. And I I was pleased to do so. I loved where I was. It was, you know, there was a tablecloth draping over, and I was in sea. And and Jesus leans over, pulls the tablecloth up, and was like, What are you doing? And and I I didn't know any different, you know. I was just where I was, and he pulls the chair out and you know, brings me out and sits me down next to him. And to scan the table was just like, I was so overwhelmed. This table went on and on and on, and and there was just copious amounts of food and beverage, and it was as if there would be just no end to even that. And there was just constant supply. And I sat there thinking to myself, like, this is where I belong. I belong next to him and not under this table where I was perfectly, I mean, I was okay with being there, and so really like understanding so many different lessons from it, you know, false humility and all of those kinds of things, but more importantly, the delight of being where he intends for us to be, which is right beside him. And I have returned to this table time and time again and have learned something different. It's like this grounding place for me when everything feels out of sorts. I can come back to this place and realize what the reality of my existence in Christ really looks like. And one of the latest lessons was realizing, like, oh my gosh, what's on the plate of the person next to me could be completely different than what's on my plate. But I need to delight with what is on my plate and not pine for what they have. And so really just learning to settle into myself. And I think so so often in Christianity, we with the deny yourself concept, we think that somehow we're supposed to just not like who we are, and that couldn't be further than the truth. He likes who we are, he spoke us into existence, he knows what he's doing, and so for me to deny who I am in him really robs the entirety of creation from experiencing a facet of Jesus Christ on the earth. A facet of the Father's character has been stored up in me to be spilled out for the rest of the world to experience. And if I don't do it, there's a void. And so it's just permission for us all to be fully and plainly who we are.

SPEAKER_00 47:42

Absolutely. And for everyone just to enjoy whatever they'd like to. We can all eat different things, exactly, all different flavors, and yeah, just so beautiful. Like it made me think when you were just sharing that vision of all the parts of us, how he loves every part. Made me think of um, I think we were doing like an activation, a prophetic activation with maybe Jerry and Ruthie. And they were asking us to get a song from God, and Jody got wild thing. Yeah, I remember. You remember this? Uh-huh. And it was like wild thing, you make my heart sing. I think I love you. You make everything groovy. And I just remember thinking, like, God can love our wildness and all of our like crazy things too, and like he can use that to make it groovy. And I was just like, oh, I love that.

SPEAKER_02 48:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 48:43

And how we yeah, we crucify and just try to extinguish those parts of ourselves.

SPEAKER_02 48:48

Right.

SPEAKER_00 48:49

Or like you say, edit. And I love that your other project is unedited.

SPEAKER_01 48:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 48:54

Where we don't have to do that because he loves all parts. Right. He knows all parts, he created all parts, and they're in his image. So why are we doing that?

SPEAKER_01 49:04

Exactly. Oh, it's so easy to fall into. Oh, I know. Far too easy. I wish it was. I was thinking about this the other day. I was like, I wish it was easier for us to fall into the joy of being his than it is to fall into this, like, oh, this striving to become something, to accomplish something. And that's one of the things that that has just been on my heart is I don't have to accomplish you. Right. I I just get to sit in y'all. I I don't have to do to do anything. I can't need it at all. And I get to just be.

SPEAKER_00 49:44

Yeah. Just enjoy it. Being enjoyed and enjoy each other.

SPEAKER_01 49:50

Right.

SPEAKER_00 49:51

Yeah. Well, this has been such a a gift, a treasure. And thanks again. And once you have your book out, I'd love to just, yeah, we'll put that in the show notes and all the things. I'd love to hear more about your upcoming work. Yeah, I'll keep you updated. So awesome. That was Angie. And Angie didn't sugarcoat any of it. The years of learning to police others' relationships with God before she understood what it actually meant to follow Christ, to the seasons of wounds so deep she wasn't sure she'd recover, and the slow, hard work of removing a courtroom that had taken up residence in her. But what stays with me the most is the table. The vision of a little girl under a table, perfectly content eating scraps, until someone pulls back the cloth and says, What are you doing down there, honey? And the realization that we spend so much of our lives striving to become something we already are. Angie said it plainly. Unspilled. And then there was the Saturday night. A birthday, a family game, and a woman laughing so hard she thought she might lose it completely. After a long hard season, the joy came back. Not forced, not performed, just happening. That's the thing about levity. You can't manufacture it, but you can make room for it. Keep checking your hands for gold dust. You never know. If this episode moved you, don't keep it to yourself. Send it to someone who needs the table vision today. You probably already know who that person is. And if Lafon and Levitate has been adding something to your life, it would mean the world to us if you left us a review wherever you listen. It takes just two minutes and helps more people find their way to those conversations. Every single review matters more than you know. And follow us on all the socials so you never miss an episode. The handle is in the show notes. And if something from today's conversation sparks something in you, come find us and tell us about it. We actually read these messages and we love hearing from you. Angie's books Revealed, Rise and Shine, and her newest rooted revolution are all linked in the show notes. And when her new project drops, we'll be the first to let you know. More conversations are coming, so stay close. See you next time, and until then, remember to laugh on and levitate.